Diary of a HOLLYWOOD Starlet

Journal Entry #1: FAME "What a Funny Thing?"

I never wanted to be a movie star. Really -- I never imagined that one day I would be living this bizarre life - the life of a movie star. I wonder all the time how this happened. How did I become this famous person that is recognized by most humans (and some animals) wherever I go??? Growing up I was an awkward teenage girl that wanted to be a marine biologist. That was the job that sounded fun to me. I wanted to swim with the dolphins.

So when I was asked to write this online diary -- speaking anonymously about my life in Hollywood and how fame affects people like me, it really scared me and at the same time I felt completely exhilarated.

I have been on hundreds of red carpet press lines, I have towered over audiences on the big screen in front of thousands of people, on the cover of countless magazines, including my favorite, Vogue. I have appeared at glamorous award shows accepting and presenting awards to people who are much more famous than me -- legends. However, none of these experiences have ever scared me more than writing this column -- and yet it is the most liberating thing that I have done thus far in my career.

In Hollywood it is taboo for A-List actors to speak about the personal lives of other A-list actors, nor are we allowed to speak-out about the inner workings of the Hollywood system that we all live so comfortably in.

And yet I have chosen to break all the rules and write this blog column. And you know what, it feels great. I have been waiting my entire career to say exactly what is on my mind, and now I have my chance.

NOW LETS TALK ABOUT FAME. When you become famous, everything you do and say becomes public property. Nothing is sacred or private ever again. And by the way -- it does happen over night. One successful film project takes you from being a struggling actor to a virtual lottery winner.

Fame really does change everything!! The only way too describe it is that it is like standing high on top of a mountain, standing on the very edge looking down and there is this grand voice from above saying, "if and when you take that leap off into this world of fame, fortune and success -- your life can never, and will never, be the same again -- the life you knew before is now lost and gone forever, no matter how hard you try to get your past life back, you cannot, because it is impossible."

Everyone wants to know where you eat, what you eat, who does your hair, how much money you make, who you're dating, who you're sleeping with, which designer's clothes you are wearing. It never stops -- there are no boundaries. There is no end to the prying eye of the publicity machine and paparazzi that is now a constant part of your everyday life.

Please don't get me wrong I feel very fortunate, I do feel blessed. I am sorry for ranting, but I have never been very good at playing the "celebrity game" -- and hey this is my column -- so I can bitch about whatever I choose to bitch about, right??